Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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