I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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