Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
