If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
