The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Randomize
