I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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