Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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