You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
3pm strippers are depressing
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
whose parrot is this?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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