The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
