HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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