That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
