The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
