you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
