it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
