Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
