clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
