I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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