Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
