Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
