You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
