FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
