Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
