just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
