So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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