I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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