I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
