Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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