let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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