You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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