When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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