Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
