You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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