you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm just crazy horny about you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
