now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
