i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
