I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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