girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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