Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
