That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
