I am spending my child support on dildos
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
