i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize