Apparently you make a good broom.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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