I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
