She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
