upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
