Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
