peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
