She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm at about main and main street
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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