Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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