why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?