It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
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nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.