She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.