My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
