the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
