somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
