my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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