All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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