That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
