If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
