This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
