He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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