woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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