She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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